the continuum of experience (and a recurring compliment)

Throughout this trip, I have been fortunate to meet, work and talk with so many talented professionals. These are the people who are making it out here. From dance captains, actors, stage managers and even the top otolaryngologist in the country, Dr. Gwen Korovin. We were briefed before our meeting with her on vocal health that she is doctor to the stars. When I Googled her tonight, my jaw dropped when I saw she was referenced on Joan Rivers' blog, who happens to be one of her patients ( along with Celine Dion, Tony Bennett, Pavarotti and others). Go read the Sept. 24, 2006 entry titled "reality check" here . And we had an hour and a half to ask questions with this woman. Amazing.

Tonight, we saw the revival of "A Little Night Music" by Stephen Sondheim. It starred Angela Lansbury and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Both did remarkably well (CZJ had trouble enunciating in her first song and there were times that I said yes, you can tell she is a film actor because she can't project well) and were supported by a terrific young cast. We had a chance to once again meet and greet with the actors as we made our way to the front of the house for a meeting exclusively for us. We met with the Stage Manager and about 4 of the supporting cast, including Aaron Lazar. We had a few moments to ask them questions, get advice and find out how they got started and at what age. It's hard to process the fact that you just watched an amazing performance and these humans come out, down to earth, and sit with you and freely talk about their process and how they work. I am so thankful for those opportunities (something not many people get, and certainly one we didn't have 2 years ago on this trip)

Friday, I am singing for one of the choreographers and directors for Disney shows on Broadway: Michael Dansicker. He is going to spend some time coaching me through an audition piece and master class with me abit in front of everyone, so they can see and learn right along with me and apply things to their own voices. It is going to be an incredible adventure! I can't wait to see what he will have me do. I also am setting up a one-on-one dance session with Cara Kjellman, the dance captain for Billy Elliot. She worked with our entire group, along with dance captain from 42nd street Kelli Barclay, on movement, dance steps and styles. I want a 'laundry list' of things to work on and perfect for auditions, just to show casting directors that I can learn and that I am a singer who knows how to move pretty well.

Since I've been in NYC, I've been humbled and honored to have several of these professionals confide in me privately that I have what it takes, that I can make it. I received another compliment today: I have the 'look'. I have been told 3 times that I have the 'look' (including from the costume designer for Sex in the City and Ugly Betty) and today was from actress Kristine Nevins. She coached monologues with us today and after the workshop, came across the room to find me and tell me that "you just have the look, and that is the look they're looking for." I was flattered, and we got to chat a few minutes about me, what I wanted to do and a little more of her background in theater.

People here, talented they may be, famous even more are just people. Doctor to the stars answers basic questions about healthy vocal chords. An Emmy award winning costume designer for Sex in the City sits down with us and talks about making it in the business. These people are so willing to help others. It's such an encouragement to us and to let us know to find ourselves, find what makes us unique and embrace it. We all have to find our own voice out here, and I think I am starting to really understand what that means.

$ $ $ $ $

A drunken Englishman once told me on the street "Call me if you need help, cuz money rules the world and I've got money". We all need money and sometimes we don't have enough. We are still certainly in a recession (who do you know that is still looking for work?) and it certainly shows. More on that in a minute. But first, money. Money rules the world. Everyone just needs enough. "enough' looks different for different people. Some people get by on $1 a day. Others need more. I've got 'enough' for me. But since I've been in NYC, not a day has gone by that someone hasn't deliberately asked me right out for money.

The pitches are usually the same. I'm homeless. I'm out of work. I'm hungry and I'm a recovering addict. My kids are going hungry tonight. The presentation style is different, but the same feeling has driven them to ask in some way. The passive ones, perhaps the shy and embarrassed are the ones who are sitting on the corner with the cardboard signs. You notice, but it's pretty easy to ignore them. The aggressive go straight for the subway, and you're gonna have to face them come hell or high water. Once those doors close, they literally have you trapped for at least 30 seconds. That's more than enough time for the beads of sweat to start forming at the top of my forehead, getting hot under the collar and feeling the guilt wash over me. The pain is only multiplied when you are on an express train and the stops are farther apart. You see, I've made a decision not to give any of my money to people who approach me for money. I'm all for giving it to people in need (Church, feed my starving children, red cross, etc) or to someone who I single out and see the need for. But, since I don't know where that money I give to a random person is going to, I am more resistant.

It's a tough position to take. The pleas seem genuine, the people are REAL. They are talking to you. It's humbling and embarassing for them (they even admit it) - to go to a place of begging. Some are very subtle (a blind man who silently walked through the car shaking a cup of coins received 3 gifts, whereas a louder "God is always watching and judging you" man received none) and of course others are more forward. Tonight, my journey was interrupted by a 'brother and sister' who both went to college and found themselves out of work, homeless and all there blankets and clothes were stolen. They appeared clean and wore new clothes, but they gave the same humbling speech. They were asking money to spend the night in a hostel out of the rain. Yep, it was raining today. That adds to the guilt. Though I don't know if it had anything to do with it, they were white. Don't see too many white people begging on the subway, and you wonder why that is. Pocketbooks were coming open (yes, ladies, it seems you always are willing to give) and it appeared the duo received $2-3.

I realize that as I'm typing I'm becoming slightly cynical. I apologize. I'm not trying to judge these people (because I really don't know who they are and what the situation is), but something about these two siblings didn't add up. They looked too good to be homeless. Too clean. As I was getting off the train, I noticed the younger woman was wearing a Timbuk2 backpack. These usually cost around $75, so how did she get one? And why did you give up on your college degree? You didn't have anyone else to turn to before you resorted to begging on the subway?

I know there are people on the streets of New York tonight that legitamitely would love warmth and food. I just can't help but be skeptical for some of them. To the homeless people of New York, please go to the churches. Go ask for help, they will help you. Not only financially, but a place to stay, maybe even a job. And they will love on you like no other. I give to organizations like that because I know they know how to help. I am not judging you as you pass by and I don't reach for a quarter, or a dollar. I'm shooting out prayers for you as you pass by.

What I'm thinking is this. I don't want to give you money that you can spend anywhere for anything. If someone came up to me on the street and gave the same speech and instead of outright asking for money, asked me to buy them a hot dog or a sandwich I would not turn them down. Everybody needs food, water or even juice. They need nourishment. I can always offer to buy people who beg food (i usually do and get turned down...) but I will say from this day forward with confidence, if prompted, I will always buy someone in need some nourishment if they need a hot meal. But, I don't want to blindly support something that isn't going to benefit them or help them get out of homelessness. What do you think?

The theater is great here in NYC. Not only have you the best and biggest shows on Broadway, you have Off-Broadway and off-off Broadway. And then, you have the York Theater company on 54th and Lexington. This company devotes itself to bringing back old shows that they feel deserve a second look or helping stage new shows and give them a wider audience. The venue is intimate, only 175 seats and the staging varies with the amount of rehearsal time allotted. Tonight, I got to see a 'concert performance' (basic set, blocking and not memorized and a piano for accompaniment.) IT's a chance to see a new work and I actually really enjoyed it. Plus, I felt so naturally drawn in because the actors seemed much more approachable. They were right there. Not lost on a giant stage facing 1700 people. So not only have I seen the biggest and best (Next to Normal, Mary Poppins "disney extravagance", etc.) I've seen the small, the unpretentious, the genuine. There's no flashing marquee, no fancy lobby. Just a basement theater underneath a church. I step outside and get sucked back into the rain, staring up at the foggy sky shrouding the skyscraper tops into the clouds. I take the E to Times Sq then switch to the 3 to Brooklyn Heights, and crawl in my Murphy bed and go to sleep, thankful for its warmth and a dry place to lay my head.

first lesson: emotion

Today was the first round of private lessons with the wonderful Shari Anderson, a woman who is talented beyond belief and has impacted so many young people wanting to succeed. I hadn't seen Shari in a year and a half, so it was great to start working with her again. Shari has a unique style and presence- she makes you feel loved right from the get go. She doesn't let her experience and background create an ego wall between her and the student. She just comes at you from a person trying to help you be the best you can be. And that's exactly what she continues to do.

I prepared "Love to Me" from Light in the Piazza, "Colors of My Life" from Barnum and the "Vagabond" by John Ireland. I started off by running through all 3 pieces for Shari so she could get an idea of where my voice was at. Then, we pulled out Love to Me, and worked from an emotional standpoint to let the emotion consume me and resonate within me. Through some focusing and unlocking that emotion, I really made some great natural adjustments to my sound and the response was immediate from the people in the room. The thing is, sometimes I overthink when I sing. It's good to think about all these technical aspects when you're practicing. But I have to learn to trust myself when I perform and just put the emotion in, release into it and let go of all the thoughts. It's incredibly difficult.

Singing is an interesting process. It's difficult for a non-singer to understand the way we prepare, think, process and perform. It's so very different, there are so many layers to it, yet it comes off in a performance as looking 'easy'. It's not. It's the most challenging thing ever to have so much control yet be relaxed and natural. I'm still figuring out how to do it. But when I experience it, the trust-- it is immensely easier to sing and it connects with people. I think I'm gonna do that more often!

Saw "Billy Elliot" tonight. What a production. Lights, staging, dance numbers were all incredible. Then, we had the amazing opportunity to sit down with the cast, including the leads (Gregory Jbara who plays the father, and one of the "Billys" himself Trent Kowalik) Super talented cast and thanks to Cara Kjellman the dance captain for organizing it for us Bethel students and for working with us while we're here in NYC!

Stopped in at my favorite eatery here in Brooklyn: Park Plaza Diner. It's just down the block from the St. George and if you know a true diner, they have cheap prices, pretty good food and just about anything at any time of the day. Tonight: amazing cinnamon french toast, eggs, bacon and sausage. delicious!

In the city that never sleeps, i find myself quite tired. So, goodnight!

Catch Me I'm Falling (Reprise)

About 4 months ago, I was on a train from Freiburg, Germany to Interlaken, Switzerland to jump out of a plane. I was listening to the Next to Normal soundtrack, and the song “Catch Me I’m Falling” comes on my iPod. I listened to that song over and over, letting the lyrics and melodies consume me. I knew that that show would be on the top of my list to see when I came to New York in January.

Tonight, I found myself in line for a lottery—selling off a right to buy a seat for $25. Though my name was called, enough people won that we were able to go see it as a group. I ended up with my theater prof, and she was lucky enough to nab two seats, front row center. I spent most of the show looking straight up, like sitting too close to the screen in the theater. In this show there are just 6 cast members, and being able to see their tears and the spit fly out of their mouths when they spat out their lines always makes it seem even more real. These people are sweating and crying in front of you and you can’t stop the tears either.

Next to Normal is one of the rare shows that has the second act get better than the first. The songs I fell in love with made so much more in context (as did Catch Me I’m Falling). The depth of the characters grew immensely, and the acting was so BELIEVABLE. It felt so real. I know I will go see that show again.

Now, this weekend I saw 5 shows. My favorites were Ragtime and Next to Normal, but my favorite experience of all was the last two minutes of “Hair”. The a cappella version of “Let The Sunshine In” was simply stunning and set up the ending so well. Then, at the end, the cast invited us up on the stage after the bows: “Do you want to go dance?” I said, “YEAH!” So there I was, at the front of the stage, surrounded by the cast and some of the audience. The band was roaring the reprises and we’re all singing along. The audience is still full. I look up at the lights, feel their warmth. I see the back of the house and feel what it would be like to project all the way. I turn around and see the set, the flyhouse, the curtains, backstage. I look down at the edge of the stage, the front row, the floorboards. And as the songs were ending and the people started to leave, I looked at Wes and said, “This is what it’s like to be on a Broadway stage.”

I want to follow that dream. I want to sing, and act, and move people like the cast of Next to Normal. It might not be about the money, but it would be incredibly fun. I’m going to try to make it, and I’m going to do what I love.

Oh, and I’ve been eating tons of cheesecake.

Stuck.

7 floors, 9 people, a keyboard. I was actually thinking when we were passing the 4th floor if I would ever be stuck in an elevator. And as the elevator leveled off at the seventh floor, the doors took longer to open than usual. Then we realized that they weren't going to open. We pressed buttons and rang the alarm and ended up calling the building manager. It was warm, someone was hyperventilating and Josh S. decided to bounce up and down a little.

A few minutes passed by and a savior started yelling in from the other side. He told us to push the doors open from the inside. Now just before this, Josh S. told everyone that the doors weighed about 3,000 pounds. To my surprise, the doors opened without much force, so it looked like we were truly buff strong men. As soon as the inside doors were opened, we realized that the elevator stopped about a foot short of the floor. The repair man tried using a crowbar and screwdriver to pry the door open, but the door wouldn't budge. So, we had to shut the doors and reach on the outside door to trip a black button that unlocked the doors. After about 10 minutes, we were out. Who would you want to be stuck in an elevator with? I was happy it was my friends and my professors. Josh S. and I climbed out of the elevator first and helped everyone up. Welcome to NYCAMS!

Just another job for Superboy. Speaking of that, I am going to try rushing for Next to Normal tomorrow! Wes, David, Maddie and I saw Ragtime tonight. Wow. Definitely one of the top 3 shows I have ever seen. A massive cast, hugely talented, wonderful music and a poignant look at how minorities and immigrants were treated in the early 1900's. Thank you cast and crew for bringing this powerful story to life.